I can still eavesdrop when people are masked up.

  I was hidden in a screened porch puffing when a date night couple walked by. Her: Smell that? That's the smell of cocaine"

Him: "You mean weed."

Her: "You know I hate being corrected!"

She stormed off with him trailing and apologizing.

Heads up, if I am ever dim enough to confuse those two things, please let me know.

I very much like ganja but as far as powders go I'm not even a fan of aspirin.

Only the best for her man.

Helping someone move.
We stopped for gas, i ran in to pay. The woman
in front of me in line a was apparently gift shopping.
"It's my boyfriend's birthday. I wanna get him something nice.
...How much are those lighters?"
clerk
"99 cents but if you really want to impress him I have these here for a buck nineynine."
"OOOh!" she cried with her top knot bouncing up and down.
"Show me the expensive ones"
Luckily I had all day to wait for them to examine all the eagles, flags, pyramids, unicorns and beer themed lighters. Not!
Ok truth be told, after she split I also got a lighter (but a cheap one)
Couldn't resist the suggestion.

Just now in the grocery store...

Young lady speaking to companion:
"You may think I'm a sociopath for picking this kind of cheese but I can afford it this week."
Wow. Seems like pop psychology phrases have fully taken over our language.
I wonder what kind of cheese points to social anxiety disorder?